The 3 Stooges: Perception, Assumption and Lack of Communication

I started this blog the day after Christmas and decided it wasn't cheery enough. I thought I should wait to send it at a more appropriate time...but when is the most appropriate time to remind each other that what we perceive to be right, assume to be correct and refuse to talk about are the exact issues that we should be focusing on!

So what is wrong with perception, assumptions and lack of communication?

They are community destroyers!

Whether you are talking about your home, office or even church, when any of these three stooges rear it's ugly head, trouble is inevitable.

When we focus on ourselves and stop considering the wisdom and experience of others we lose the benefits of community and stop our own growth.

Perception Is A Wonderful Tool

The dictionary describes it as:

per·cep·tion/pərˈsepSHən/

Noun:

The ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses. The state of being or process of becoming aware of something in such a way.

Remember though that perception comes from your senses. And have your senses ever been off?

• Had a cold and couldn't smell...
• Forgot your glasses...
• Only heard part of the conversation...

So while I encourage people to be perceptive, do not forget that you have blindspots. Always be willing to let others fill in the blanks you may have missed or provide wisdom you have not gained yet.

Assumptions...Do I really need to say anything else?

A-S-S-U-M-E makes a you know what out of U and Me.

This is one of those acronyms that I only needed to hear once to get it. Do not assume anything...ever!

A good friend always reminds me, "In God we Trust, everyone else needs facts."

This is where the final stooge must be dodged.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

So I hear you, you are saying I am not a communicator. I am not good with words. So, practice or find someone who compliments your weaknesses.

You do not have to be a professional speaker to express your self and it doesn't take a classical writer to let someone know your expectations. Do it your way...just do it!

I have a new client that is direct, to the point and NOT a fan of writing. She wants to say what is needed and move on.

We have agreed that she talks, I write it down.

She is wonderfully descriptive when she is excited about what she wants to share. Just don't make her write it, or her passion turns into pain. We have communicated the strengths and weaknesses and have created a plan to accomplish our goal. . .together.

"The common denominator to all success and happiness is other people." Les Giblin

This quote comes from Les Giblin's book How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People. It goes on to state that if you..."learn to deal with other people, you will have gone 85% of the way down the road to success in any business, occupation, or profession, and about 99% of the way down the road to personal happiness."

Adios Three Stooges...hello success and happiness!

Now go communicate,
Kym Lamb

Look To The Horizon

Have you ever been on a boat when the water and the craft were not in agreement?

Any wise sailor tells you to look to the horizon to keep the external chaos from causing internal chaos...(which if not resolved creates more external chaos if you understand what I mean.)

They also advise you not to go below deck and try not to focus on anything that your mind is expecting to be stable. For example reading a book or anything that requires constant focus.

A very intersting solution I found was to steer the boat (like driving a car) helps keep your mind off motion sickness and temporarily stops symptoms.

Testing The Theory

My husband and I had the opportunity to test this theory several years ago. We had taken a day trip to the Bahamas and on the journey a couple of storms found our path.

My husband immediately took the Dramamine, gave me a peck on the cheek and said I'll see you in a few hours...goodnight.

I didn't want to miss the adventure! Even as the dishes crashed off the shelves and the long standing crew started turning green. . .I decided to endure the experience.

The stage show was canceled and the ballroom turned into a triage for all the sea sick passengers. Finally, feeling a little tested myself, I headed for the deck. . .so does this horizon thing really work?

Yes. Changing my focus and removing myself from the details of the situation helped me to remember that the cruise would end. There would be a port to dock in. This was just a temporary situation.

As I returned to the ballroom to check on my husband I thought about taking the Dramamine and joining my husband in "Dreamland". . .then I witnessed a small child give into her sore tummy all over her father. The man's face said it all. . .I spent the rest of the trip providing barf bags, blankets and hopefully comfort to other people on the journey with me.

I decided to steer my ship. . .

Happy Navigating,
Kym

Can You See What I See?

Through a Facebook post today I was able to catch up with a grade school friend.

Emily was the first person whose Mom actually encouraged us to draw on her bedroom wall.

On that wall I learned the freedom to express myself. Emily taught me how to draw my first "eye". How ironic that the person who taught me how to "see" would also be the person who taught me this technique.

I recall these memories often with my daughter (the budding artist).

The fondest memory I have with Emily was a "simple" project in art.

The instructions were to "draw the plant". Much like the one you see in the picture above.

As I received my grade I heard the teacher telling Emily that she did not complete the project...I don't remember the grade she was given but I remember the image she had drawn...

It was the most detailed section of the plant that she saw...while it didn't match the teacher's expectations it surpassed anything the rest of us had done.

I loved that Emily enjoyed seeing the world through a different perspective and dared others to try also.

I thank her for teaching me to view life from many different angles.

I was not shocked to find out Emily Wilde is the Owner of Total Arts Gallery in, New Mexico.

Choose to see the Exceptional Today,
Kym

FEAR Stinks!

I was reminded this week that for all the books I have read, classes I have attended and certifications I have obtained. . .I can not avoid FEAR and that stinks!

A friend posted this comment when I mentioned my frustration on Facebook:

"Fear only grows when not addressed. False. . . Expectations. . . Appearing. . . Real"

While I knew this to be true. . .had even posted this on other friends walls when they were frustrated, I wanted to be exempt.

The visit to the doctor was very real, the lump was very real, the tests were very real. The 3 hours between visit one and visit two were real. . .but what were my expectations?

Did I expect cancer, did I expect nothing? I did not know what to expect. I hadn't been down this path before.

How did this appear to me? This is when I called in reinforcements. A few days ago I wrote about Learning to Ride the Roller Coaster Alone. This was NOT one of those times.

I needed to know how this appeared to others who may have been down this path or those that understood why I would need a friend for the journey. I was looking for wise council. . . and I got it.

And that was when I truly saw REALITY. . .

The lump...nothing to worry about, tests were good!

But the results of recognizing my FEAR, taking action through it and seeing who is willing to stand with me through the FEARS. in life is unmeasurable.

You can not see this blessing without first experiencing the FEAR.

My Dad use to tell me FEAR was good as long as it didn't paralyze me. It would alert me to possible danger. Sometimes. . . that danger is my own mind.

I want to leave you with this final quote:

"COURAGE is the moment right after FEAR!"

Go be courageous!
Kym

Because Perfect Isn't Always Perfect

O.K. all the ornaments are geometrically positioned. The ribbon is exactly the same distance from the next strip in a downward spherical pattern. There are 1000 lights, all working, placed in multiple depths to cast a warm glow on every . . .single. . . pine needle. . .and yes! It passed the squint test.

But is it really perfect?

We, or should I say, I, broke tradition this year...well, I guess you can't really call it a tradition. It was more like a well controlled, systematic process I put my family through.

1) Husband gets tree down from attic. ( Finds couch to watch T.V.)
2) Kids begin ripping into boxes and putting everything up.
3) Mom stops the chaos and begins to explain the proper way to apply lights, ornaments. . .
4) Kids leave
5) Mom spends several hours completing the process.


I Love Process

I really do appreciate the comfort in repetition, process and tradition. But what if the process was broken or didn't work for everyone? Would you be willing to change it? Would you even see that change was needed?

Thank you to my husband for admitting he has no idea what my tradition was. I was frustrated that he had let the kids have a free for all, and as I removed the 3 bush lights from the tree, I mentioned that he knew "the tradition" was that I always used. . .and he said,

" No,really I don't know THE tradition".

So, I stopped, sat back and watched everyone wait for my direction. . .and incorrect, incomplete, unrewarding set of instructions to complete a task they didn't even want to do.

Decorating the Christmas Tree is NOT ABOUT APPLIED DISCIPLINE!

I looked into the hands of my children, and each one had "their" ornaments, they were eagerly waiting to hang up; their baby's 1st trinkets, annual pictures, favorite school crafts. . .handmade ornaments that had been passed down. . .and finally the Snoopy globe.

And then there was the "Boy's Tree" this year. They had decided to have a race that they could get theirs up and decorated before my daughter and I finished the big one. . .And Dad helped!

Mom. . .Can we decorate our rooms?

As I thought of all the reasons that wanted to spew out of my mouth, "your room is already a mess", "electric lights cost money". . .I decided to zip it!

I said,

"SURE! Go Ahead!"

But is it really perfect?

Is my house decorated perfectly? Yes. Because it has been carefully decorated by the people in my life that bring me the most joy. It has been sprinkled with a type of fairy dust only produced when LOVE IS PRESENT!


Merry Christmas! Now Go Enjoy The Season!

Kym

Growth Means Learning to Ride the Rollercoaster Alone Sometimes

Last night during a speaking engagement at the MOCA House in Wooster,Ohio , I was asked to talk about a comment I made about "learning to ride the roller coaster alone".

I love that my life has been very much like a roller coaster! Wonderful highs and a couple of low lows to help me appreciate the highs.

The last 6 years have even introduced a few loop de loops . . . and I realized that some of the passengers (family, friends, loved ones) may need to get off and rest.

As part of my growth, I have challenged myself to take rides in the front seat, by myself, with my hands stretched into the air. . .

But it has taken quite a while to get here.

I started on a small hill, made sure there was a safety bar and kept the ride short! I had someone waiting for me at the end of the ride and then I rested before I tried again.

I am learning to respect that other people may be on their own roller coasters. There hill may be steeper and their ride longer. I try to reserve my riders for the coasters I am uncertain of.

In the past I have even asked people to take rides on coasters that haven't been built yet. (Ever worry about something that could happen???)

I am pleased that now I even check to see if the person riding with me is ready to ride. You wouldn't put a 2 year old child in a seat that was too big or that didn't have the appropriate safety harness. And I give them the option get off if they are not ready.

I also recognize that some days...I will choose the kiddy coaster with my best friend.

Whatever coaster you may be riding I encourage you to continue to reach a little higher and ride a little longer!

Living Well,
Kym