Struggle Well

Struggle....who said life was suppose to be a struggle?

Life is suppose to be perfect and easy! Smooth sailing and simple...Money on trees, calorie-free foods and children that obey your every command...with a smile even.

OK. So maybe I am dreaming just a little.

My husband and I are attending a parenting class - "Dealing With Today's Teens" by Mark Gregston at our church.

Now don't stop reading because you heard the word church - these lessons apply to all of our adolescents and quite honestly - us too!

Are You Teaching Your Child To Struggle Well?

I was raised in a family where struggle was hidden for the most part. My father was a policeman and my mother, a "Super Mom" (cook, chauffeur, seamstress, nurse, psychologist and every other hat Mom's wear). They were perfect...

Or were they?

Now I will not steal any of the glory from my parents. Having children of my own I am at awe at the environment of security and love they created for us...but I needed to see the struggle so that I knew that struggle was ok...it was normal, that I was not weird because I just didn't feel perfect.

My Feelings Affirmed

Guess what? I am not the only person that felt this way. In fact, according to Mr. Gregston:

"A child's perception of their parents shifts during the adolescent years. Parents are no longer perfect in their eyes. Your teen begins to understand that he/she also is not perfect, and that those around him are not perfect, but that's okay."

Did You Change or Did They?

We both did, or we need to. The way we parented our children to this point will no longer work and the way they respond is definitely changing.

What we interpret as disrespect they see as discovery. We must be humble and willing to admit our imperfections for them to learn how to change gracefully.

Two of the key thoughts I learned last night were:

1. "My teen's behavior is NOT a measure of me, rather it's a display of the nature of man."
2. "Behavior is a results of facing difficulties."

The last chapter suggested carrying a picture of your child when they were young. You know the one, big eyes, huge smile, arms reaching up for you. You made copies for every family member.

It will be the image you have in your mind the day they get married, have their own kids and call you for advice.

Look at this picture before you speak...remember who they were and the person you are trying to help them become! Struggle Well Together!

On Your Honeymoon?

My husband and I just celebrated our anniversary and I am reminded of two very sweet older and wiser ladies we met on our honeymoon cruise years ago...

Standing on the deck of the ship, waving bon voyage, this sweet white haired women asked," So you're on your honeymoon right?"

I smiled (has I had been doing since I walked down the isle the day before ;) and said."Yes, how did you know?"

The two ladies glanced at each other with a grin and then the white haired lady responded,"there are no scratches on your rings yet..."

I remembered looking at our rings wondering how long they would stay brand new? Unscratched...undented...unworn...

Yet?

What did she know that I didn't?

That marriage brings trials and challenges. That the honeymoon would soon be over and reality would kick in. Much like the sea legs we had when we got off the cruise, we had to adjust...Life didn't stop the day we got married and it hasn't ever since.

My husband and I have weathered many storms - together. One of us has learned to keep our eyes on the horizon while the other steers the ship.

Our rings aren't flawless anymore. In fact they are scratched and dinged, misshapen and ill-fitting. My finger has changed shape to fit the ring and my husband has shrunk to the point his no longer fits.

Time To Replace the Rings?

Never! Each mark and dent reminds me of our journey!

Our three children watched CARS 2 last night and I think Mater has it right,

"Ever one of them

dents is valuable to me"


Life is for better and for worse...and the attitude you choose will make all the difference!

Happy Anniversary to my "Best Buddy"!