Raising Tomorrow's Women Today

...At The School

As I gentle nudged her out of the car this morning the tears had already begun trickling from her eyes. Her bottom lip was quivering as she whispered, "please go in with me."

"I can't honey, I'm not allowed. I need to drop you off here and then you can walk the rest of the way..."

I gave her a kiss and gentle pusher her on her way. I watched as her brother walked closely beside her an encouraged her through the doors.

...Back In The Car

I flat out lied, lied to my daughter. I was allowed to take her to her room. I could have held her hand all the way. I could have carried her if I wanted to (and I wanted to!). But at what point in her life to stop carrying her?

When does she learn to be independent, strong and confident? How does that happen? When does my daughter of today become the woman of tomorrow? The answer is NOW!

...On The Phone

Like a true grown-up, I called my Mommy. "Mom, she cried again. Where did my smiling, happy, life-loving, "can't wait to go to school", girl go? She is crying herself to sleep and moping."

"She'll work through this, it is going to take time, but you have allowed her to through these fits and you have to stay firm that this is not optional or negotiable" Mom gentle gave me a reality check.

Had I done this to my daughter? Yes.

On purpose?Absolutely Not! But I did do it. I have been living in today with my daughter and forgetting that someday (very soon) I want her to be the strong, confident, moral, accountable women that will impact this world! I have been reacting to today not pro-acting for tomorrow!

...I'm Not Alone

Spoke to several other Mom's today. Different girls, different ages, different struggles...same goal. Working on helping their daughter's become women.

Mom A:

15 year old: Confident, strong, athletic, beautiful, a leader in every sense of her being. Verbally demeaning to her mother, arrogant, know-it-all. Able to shut her Mom (an amazingly strong woman to the rest of the world) down with the word.

Mom B:

6 year old: Complete personality change! Once excited, bubbly, confident even a bit a of "princess" attitude, now sad, quiet, dare I say depressed? Able to consume her mother's heart and mind with worry.

...Time To Grow Up For Our Daughter's and Ourselves

Here is some tough love ladies: Grow Up!

Our daughter's are not trying to single handedly destroy us! Every word they say and everything they do is not a personal attack on us! They need us to show them how to react. They do not have 20, 30, 40 years of experience and practice on how to react in every situation. An quite frankly, most of us do not either. They are looking for direction, guidance and education and this is an education they are NOT going to get from a book! This is something they have to see demonstrated, be corrected when they are not doing it correctly and encouraged when they are.

Let me share a story:

My friend "D", was having dinner with her daughters. Food, fun, conversation...then SLAM! Her 15 year old cuts her to the quick with a comment. Now, it doesn't matter the comment because each one of us have our own triggers so you can fill in the blank with yours. "D" immediately shuts down, stops talking and reverts to responding to emails on her blackberry. Her daughter tries several awkward attempts at conversation, but the air is thick and my friend had put in her invisible "I can't hear you because I am hurt" ear plugs in.

Here is the problem:

Daughter realizes she has made a mistake, but is not experienced how to resolve the conflict. She uses Mom's response of using the blackberry or silence to pardon her on behavior.

Mom has put in her "invisible earplugs" that she has developed as a defense mechanism that her daughter can not see and does not understand! She has also removed herself from the situation by escaping to the blackberry.

Resolution: An Out and A Conversation


Now that you have picked your chin off the floor. It is time to take off the "hurt Mom" and put on the "coach" hat. This may take a second for you to do or an hour.(You will get better with practice.)Remember: You are the adult. Do not assume your child is trying to hurt you.

Example: When your child tries to cover the hurt with casual conversation use this as an opportunity for learning.

Possible dialogue: I know you want to speak with me, but I am still recovering from the last thing you said. Are you aware that when you said _______ I felt ________. Did you mean for it to sound this way?

Then let them respond.

This simple response does the following:

1. The Ice Breaker: Lets your daughter know you want to talk with her.
2. The OUT: Does not reprimand her for not knowing she hurt you or allows her to make amends.
3. The Conversation: Opens the dialogue to educates her how to handle the situation in the future.

Thank you for listening today....I know it has been a while since i have blogged, but a dear friend reminded me that we all need to give what we can when we can so that we all benefit from the experiences in this life!

Shared Blessing,
Kym